Last week marked my first big proper, emotional pregnancy meltdown. It all steamed from a sleepless night, which meant I was fuelled by just a 4-hour broken sleep. Thankfully Max was due in nursery the next day which meant I would get the chance to catch up on a few hours’ sleep, or so I thought. Before I go on, I best mention that I had my 20 week scan last week and that all is thankfully well. It’s a comfort to know baby is developing as she should and have that second gender confirmation. Anyways back to the meltdown. Max, just like me had woken up in a fowl overtired mood after a tough sleepless night (he has been having nightmares lately). He recently moved rooms at nursery since he is now 3 years old. He has been a little unsettled in the new environment and less keen to go there than usual. Even though he has attended the private nursery a few days per week since he was just 7months old and absolutely loves it, I guess the change up of routine and different room is tough for a little one to understand and adjust too. The 10-minute drive to nursery was filled with constant sobs from Max declaring he didn’t want to go to the big boy side. I guess I should have known at that point the drop off wasn’t going to be the usual in and out for me. We arrived and as soon as I got him out his car seat it just went downhill from there. Full on crying and thrashing about in my arms. Yes, I know it’s not ideal to be lifting a heavy 3-year-old about when 21 weeks pregnant but it’s easier said than done. I managed to get his jacket off and sign him in but he was having none of it and had a tight grip of me. He had worked himself up so much through tiredness that he was now frantic. Thankfully one of the staff members came to my aid and tried to calm him down, but he was having none of it. It came to the point where I had to peel him off me and just make a dash for the exit while one of the ladies grabbed him and carried him off away from the door screaming. As soon as I was out the room the flood gates opened and I just lost it. I was crying uncontrollably and to my embarrassment, right at that moment a nursery manager came out the room behind me witnessing my emotional episode. I have never been so mortified in my life! Thankfully she was very understanding and even nipped back into the room to check Max was settling down ok. I knew he would be fine 10mins later, I wasn’t concerned at all about leaving him there. It was just a mixture of the lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones. I think the big cry did me the world of good, but once I had started it was incredibly hard to stop. The drive home consisted of streaming tears and a snotty nose, god knows what pedestrians must have been thinking seeing me. The best word to describe how I look crying is UGLY! I arrived back home just as my husband was getting ready to leave for work, so he was a bit surprised to see the state I was in. Especially considering it was our 5 year wedding anniversary that day. The week improved, my spirits were lifted and I think it was down to getting a several decent night’s sleep. Never underestimate how important sleep is. It’s always the sleep deprivation that hits new parent’s the most. If only all babies and children slept well each night, I think everyone would be walking around with a much more positive mindset and attitude to life. Lack of sleep can affect your emotions, patience and energy levels, your way of thinking and even food choices to name just a few. The morning of all the crying, I spent my time cleaning the house as I always do on Thursdays. I had a photographer coming around that afternoon for a chat regarding birth photography. Yup, that’s right, I plan on getting my labour and birth captured as a story through photos. The meeting went well and I instantly felt a connection with her. On Saturday I attended the wedding of a very good friend of mines. It was such a lovely ceremony and special day, but most of all a much-needed break from being mummy. The photographer I had met a few days earlier was at the wedding helping another photographer. Well, I have taken this as a sign and decided to place my booking with her. This week I’m looking forward to a quieter, less eventful one and hopefully with lots more sleep. It’s my birthday at the end of the month so looking forward to that. It’s the one day where it’s all about you, where you can eat cake without feeling guilty about it.
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In my last pregnancy, I gave up teaching exercise classes at 8 weeks pregnant due to constant exhaustion. My Body Pump classes where early morning and evening slots, at these times I really struggled to muster up energy and paint a smile on my face to motivate participants. I went on to do very little exercise, going from exercising 6 times per week to virtually nothing. Looking back, I do regret my decision to quit exercise in my first pregnancy as I gained so much unnecessary weight and cellulite over that period. It made my return to exercise post birth that bit harder. I also think it’s one of the reasons I felt so down in the early weeks of motherhood. It’s important to remember that pregnancy is not an illness and should never be used as an excuse to avoid being active daily, like I did in the past. Some women, unfortunately have medical complications which cannot be helped and end up having a rough time of it, but for most it’s a manageable time. Exercise in pregnancy has numerous benefits: · Boosts energy levels · Improves sleep quality · Reduces muscular discomfort · Reduces stress · Improves self-image and body awareness · Lowers risk of certain pregnancy related complications · Helps aid a quicker post-natal recovery · Maintains fitness · Improves circulation · Preparation for labour Although exercise is recommended in pregnancy I do feel it’s important to stay safe and listen to your own body limitations. Pregnancy is not a time to try and gain PBs (personal bests) in the gym, it’s all about maintenance, staying fit, healthy and active. I have managed to keep exercising this pregnancy, whether its long walks with my son and the dog, home workouts or a visit to the gym. I’m now starting to feel more energised again so gym sessions will be stepped up this week. My aim being 2-3 resistance sessions per week (at home or at the gym), prenatal yoga once per week and keeping up with my walking. I try to aim for around 8000 steps per day, some days I will be under that if I’m working, then other days I can rack up near 14000 steps. Pregnancy effects everyone differently. While some women fully embrace their body changing, others find it tough to deal with. I’ll hold my hands up and openly admit that I do not enjoy pregnancy. Yup I did just say that! If I could fast forward to the labour and birth phase then I absolutely would. Both my pregnancies where planned and very much wanted, however, I find myself miserable and emotional throughout. I am unable to embrace the radical body changes, deal with the constant fatigue, headaches and the uncomfortable muscular pains. I am also such a worry wart and can't wait to get her out of me and into my arms and to know all is truely well. The two things that keep me sane at the moment is the beautiful baby at the end of the journey, who I get to love more than life itself. Having to focus on optimum daily nutrition is a welcome distraction too. I aim to consume sufficient energy and nutrients to support babies growth and development. I am super over the top when it comes to pregnancy nutrition, I avoid quite a lot of food sources in the fear they could potentially affect my unborn child. I just don’t think it’s worth the risk. Some foods aren’t even listed as sources to limit or avoid when pregnant. Being a mum you just always want to do the best you can for your children. Everyone has their own opinions which they are fully entitled too, as long as that doesn’t involve shaming other mums who don’t share the same views as they do. I feel slightly guilty for not enjoying carrying my baby for 9+months. However, just because I don’t enjoy pregnancy, doesn’t make me a bad person or any less worthy of being a mum. If I was fortunate enough to be allowed a third child then I’d easily endure it all again in a heartbeat. It’s not like I’m out drinking or smoking in pregnancy, quite the opposite! Avoiding busy loud social events and following a strict healthy lifestyle throughout. I am truly blessed to be in this position, not all women get to be this lucky. Approaching 21 weeks now. Over the half way point, count down began at the positive pregnancy test for me. Sharon x Why is everyone obsessed over due dates? According to my NHS dating scan, I will be 20 week’s pregnant tomorrow. However, this isn’t really the case, given that I know my specific conception date as this was a planned pregnancy. I will in fact be 19weeks and 3 days tomorrow. You might think 5 days is not that much difference, but it is a big deal considering the NHS now recommend all women are induced at 41 weeks. 5 days is almost a week’s difference. These new guidelines seem complete ludicrous to me, given that the average first time mum gives birth at 41 weeks +3 days. Take France for instance, you are not considered full term until you reach 41 weeks, therefore not overdue until you go past 42 weeks. I know the UK have changed their policies to try and reduce the number of stillborn babies, but due dates are nothing more than an estimated date, therefore it is not accurate to say someone is overdue at a certain point. I like to think that babies will come when they are ready and not before. Women spend their entire pregnancy fixed on their given due date, but when that date comes and goes it can be rather upsetting. I’ve now lost count of times I’ve been asked when I’m due. It literally instantly irritates me and now my response is simply, ‘sometime in October’. Do people not realise that we are all different shapes and sizes, no two babies are the same and they all develop at different rates, so for the sonographer to tell you in the first trimester that your baby is due on a specific date going by the size of the gestational sack and measurements from the crown (head) to the rump (pelvis) is nothing more than a complete estimate guess. This is the reason why only 4% of babies arrive on their due date. In my opinion it’s almost as stupid as the NHS using a BMI chart (body mass index) to gauge whether someone is overweight. We are all individuals and different, no one size fits all. To say that someone should be a certain weight if they are a certain height is complete nonsense. I know body builders that have less than 8% body fat, but according to the BMI chart they are considered obese. This is due to their heavy weight on the scales and not considering that muscle tissue actually weighs more than fat. Some people are tall, short, or even muscular, no one is the same, so why should we all have to fit into the same category? I shouldn’t get too wound up with people asking when I’m due as I know it gets a lot worse when you enter the month in which your baby is due. That’s when the barrage of texts from friends and family start, asking if there are any signs of a baby making an appearance soon, asking how you are feeling or telling you to hurry up as they want to meet the baby. Although people mean well and they just want to know how you’re getting on, there’s nothing more upsetting, after spending over 9months pregnant, going past an estimated due date, than to be hounded and constantly reminded that the date has come and gone. Trust me, we are well aware! My advice to people who have family or friends currently pregnant – · Question the due month NOT the specific due date · Don’t pester us in the due month, you will be the first to hear the news when we have something exciting to share Lastly, I thought it would be fun to share all my estimated due dates: NHS Dating Scan Due Date – 29th September (based upon baby measurements and 40weeks) My Own Estimate Due Date – 04th October (based upon conception date and 40weeks) French Due Date – 13th October (based upon first day of last period and 41 weeks) As you can see the difference is a window of 2 weeks. Hence why I will be refusing induction at 41weeks (6th October), as id technically only be 2 days past my own estimate due date. Plus, with planning a home birth, induction is not an option for me if all is going well and to plan. My last pregnancy went 6 days past my estimated NHS scan date, will be interesting to see when our little girl decides to make her grand entrance to the world. One things for sure, I won’t be expecting labour to start spontaneously on my estimated NHS due date. Due dates are nothing more than an estimated guess. I did an internet search this morning on the meaning of Motherhood. The definition being ‘the state or time of being a mother’. But for me, being a mum is so much more than giving birth or caring full time for children. Being a mum brings out the best in you. I’ve always considered myself a caring person, but not to the extend I am today. I show kindness, empathy and generosity daily. I guess you could say my son has taught me to become the best possible version of myself. Being a mum is tough, there are days you want to scream in frustration and you find yourself counting down the minutes till bedtime. It’s probably the hardest non-paying job out there. But through the darkest of days when they are displaying the most dramatic tantrum yet, you just know there’s a little precious moment nearby waiting to happen. Precious treasured moments for me are the silly little things. Like when my son asks me if I’m feeling well or need to see a doctor (he is obsessed with the doctors). If I would like to have his bogey on my arm for a wee while, or when he randomly gives me a cuddle which I hadn’t asked for. I laugh a lot more than I ever have in life when he is around and the wrinkle lines forming around my eyes are most definitely due to all the smiling I do in his presence. The one feeling I hate which motherhood brings, is guilt. I feel guilty for not giving him chocolate when he asks, or telling him there’s no more haribo, even when I know perfectly well there is cupboard full. For feeling too tired and not taking him to the park on the day he asked, or not letting him wear the same dinosaur t-shirt 2 days in a row. Being a mum teaches you responsibility and selflessness. The relationship we share is so unique and unlike any other. The type of love where you would go without things, just so he can have whatever he likes and be happy. I love that I’m the one he wants to console him when he gets hurt. I love that he chooses to come through to my side of the bed every morning to wake me up (well sometimes). I love how he watches me cleaning and starts to copy. I love how he can make me proper belly laugh that I let out a little snort. With baby number 2 fast approaching a new feeling of guilt is gradually building inside me. The guilt of having to share my love and time. Soon my bump is going to become too big for picking him up and giving him proper cuddles. There’s going to be a lot of new changes and challenges in our daily life, but what I know for sure, is that the bond I have with him will never be broken. He will always be my first born, the one who made me who I am today, my sweet handsome boy. For me, being mum is not only the best job in the world, it’s a gift and a privilege. My husband and I are having disagreements over girl baby names. Who knew that agreeing on a name would be this difficult? It might have been easier selecting a name, had the baby been another boy. It seems all suggestions I make are immediately laughed off or dismissed as a definite no. Thank goodness we have started thinking about names this early on, as it seems like an impossible task right now. My husband doesn’t make any suggestions, only refusals. The initial name I suggested, was laughed about for near 10 minutes, much to my surprise. I love the name Madeline, but I have been told that under no circumstances will this name ever be an option, due to the highly-publicized abduction of Madeleine McCann 10 years ago. Which in my opinion is completely ridiculous given it happened 10 years ago. There has been one name I suggested, which he agreed is ok. Now all names are being sized up to that one suggestion. I do like it and its always been up there on my list of top 10 names, but never a first choice. So now I am on the search to try and find a name I like more than that one, which hopefully he could see as a possibility. If we can get at least 3 names agreed on then I’ll be happy. I know I wouldn’t be growing this baby inside me if it wasn’t for my husband after all it takes two people to create life. But I can’t help feeling more entitlement to name choice than he is. I am the one who must endure near 10months of pregnancy, not forgetting the labour and birth parts. The feelings of upset looking my body post birth and the hardships of vaginal birth recovery. Finally, having to be strict with food and exercise for near 6 months to try and get my body back in some sort of fit shape to feel happy and confident again. It’s hard not to get upset over your top 5 names being instantly dismissed. Especially when there has been no tact about it. I can’t help but feel id be more accepting of each refusal had he been politer as opposed to rude about it. I guess we all have our own preferences over names though. I feel he should maybe come up with at least 1 suggestion every time he shoots down a name. Hopefully sometime soon we come across a few names we both agree on so I can stop endlessly searching baby names on the internet. After a bit of googling Its become apparent that most couples experience name disagreements so we aren't alone. Apart from the name disagreements, all is well in life just now. This week is a rather quiet one, with no real plans so I hope to get lots of rest. I’ve really impressed myself that I have managed to avoid baby shopping completely. Someone once told me it was bad luck to do so before 20 weeks so I think this is subconsciously why I have held off making purchases. When I hit the 20-week mark I plan to start looking in to getting organised for a planned homebirth. I need to book hire of a birthing pool, purchase sheets to cover the floor and try to source a birth photographer. I’ve already placed a booking enquiry at the dog hotel so our furry family member will hopefully be away on her holidays when the special time arrives. |
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September 2017
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