I did an internet search this morning on the meaning of Motherhood. The definition being ‘the state or time of being a mother’. But for me, being a mum is so much more than giving birth or caring full time for children. Being a mum brings out the best in you. I’ve always considered myself a caring person, but not to the extend I am today. I show kindness, empathy and generosity daily. I guess you could say my son has taught me to become the best possible version of myself. Being a mum is tough, there are days you want to scream in frustration and you find yourself counting down the minutes till bedtime. It’s probably the hardest non-paying job out there. But through the darkest of days when they are displaying the most dramatic tantrum yet, you just know there’s a little precious moment nearby waiting to happen. Precious treasured moments for me are the silly little things. Like when my son asks me if I’m feeling well or need to see a doctor (he is obsessed with the doctors). If I would like to have his bogey on my arm for a wee while, or when he randomly gives me a cuddle which I hadn’t asked for. I laugh a lot more than I ever have in life when he is around and the wrinkle lines forming around my eyes are most definitely due to all the smiling I do in his presence. The one feeling I hate which motherhood brings, is guilt. I feel guilty for not giving him chocolate when he asks, or telling him there’s no more haribo, even when I know perfectly well there is cupboard full. For feeling too tired and not taking him to the park on the day he asked, or not letting him wear the same dinosaur t-shirt 2 days in a row. Being a mum teaches you responsibility and selflessness. The relationship we share is so unique and unlike any other. The type of love where you would go without things, just so he can have whatever he likes and be happy. I love that I’m the one he wants to console him when he gets hurt. I love that he chooses to come through to my side of the bed every morning to wake me up (well sometimes). I love how he watches me cleaning and starts to copy. I love how he can make me proper belly laugh that I let out a little snort. With baby number 2 fast approaching a new feeling of guilt is gradually building inside me. The guilt of having to share my love and time. Soon my bump is going to become too big for picking him up and giving him proper cuddles. There’s going to be a lot of new changes and challenges in our daily life, but what I know for sure, is that the bond I have with him will never be broken. He will always be my first born, the one who made me who I am today, my sweet handsome boy. For me, being mum is not only the best job in the world, it’s a gift and a privilege.
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September 2017
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