It’s rarely talked about, but gender disappointment is a real thing and it happened to me.
First time round I was convinced I was having a girl as I wanted a girl. It was a huge shock for me when the sonographer pointed out the obvious penis displayed on screen. It had never occurred to me that I’d have a boy and the biggest shock was still to come, the huge feeling of disappointment which immediately consumed my heart. I felt ashamed of my sadness and incredibly guilty. the amount of people out there that battle infertility issues and here was me feeling gutted over the gender of my perfect baby. The news finally sunk in a few weeks later. I started to accept the fact that at some point I would become one of those mums, you know, the ones you see standing at the side-lines watching and cheering their sons on at football games. I absolutely hate football by the way! This pregnancy I couldn’t imagine having a girl and the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind in the first few weeks. I fully expected the baby to be a boy again. I was just delighted to be pregnant given it took 2.5 years to get my husband to agree to a second child. Its not that he didn’t want another, he simply had his sensible head on. I’m glad we did wait, when baby arrives my son will have just started the school nursery, so I will get alone time with the baby each day. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine had seen my dating scan photos and announced that going by ‘The Nub Theory’ I was having a baby girl. Having no idea what the nub theory was all about, I decided to do a bit of googling. I then added myself to some Nub Theory guess pages on Facebook, where I uploaded my scan photos and they all guessed girl too. I quickly felt excitement levels rising. Unfortunately, I find myself now back yearning for a girl again. I’d like to think that this time round I will be happy whatever the gender, but a small part of me worries that history will repeat again. I'm Really annoyed I considered the nub theory and opened my mind to the possibility of having a girl. I’ve been weighing up the pros and cons for each gender. If it’s a boy we save a bit of money as everything we have is already blue. But if baby is a girl, we need to buy a full wardrobe of clothes, change the colours on the pram and moses basket, along with numerous other items. In four more days, the wondering will all be over as the gender scan will reveal all. I feel excited but also extremely nervous to how I will take the news should I be shown a penis on screen again. My advice for people who have a gender preference, is not to consider the Nub Theory, Skull Theory, online gender quizzes, baking soda or heart rate gender predictions and any old wives’ tales for that matter. There’s no sense getting your hopes up. At the end of the day there is a 50 / 50 chance of pink or blue. Most people know I’m secretly hoping for a girl again now. The worst thing for me, should I be expecting another little prince, will be people saying ‘there is always next time’, or simply pointing out the positives of having another boy. When really, I’d rather not speak at all about the gender, should the outcome not sway in my preference. Grieving the loss of a dream is tough and no one should feel guilty about it. You must accept reality and give yourself plenty of time for the dust to settle. I’ve read people can suffer depression over gender disappointment. Thankfully it didn’t go near as far as that for me, but I can totally understand why it would bring on depression in others. There will be people reading this post thinking ‘bloody hell, just be happy you’re pregnant’, and I get that. I truly do feel lucky to be in this position again, growing a beautiful little person inside me. But the reason I created this blog in the first place was to put my thoughts down in writing. I promised myself to be open and honest over controversial topics. I ask that you spare me judgement and shaming, I am simply being honest and speaking about what most women wouldn’t dare say aloud. At the end of the day, preference is completely irrelevant and goes right out the window when it comes to the birth of your baby. I know for me, I wouldn’t change my son for the world, he was and still is, PERFECT! Even if I’m made to attend football in future, or take a turn washing his team mates stinky dirty kits. I will always love him more than life itself. Sharon x AKA the football hater
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September 2017
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